Here I am. Yes, I’m still alive. Yes, my family is still intact. The last 12 (!?) months have actually been rather unremarkable. It’s been pleasantly predictable and comfortable. Just the way I like it. But, I’ve missed this place. And, these people (that’s you guys). The true ache I have and the emptiness I feel is my longing to write again. I miss the words. I miss the construction of the sentences and the pouring of my swirls in my mind onto paper and screen. There is a world beyond the craziness and delight of two girls, three meals that require my cooking every day and all the other household “stuff” that sucks up my energy and time. Writing is my place.
A few months ago, I took a step back and thought about where I was and what I was doing. After Camden (our now almost two year old) was born, I decided to become a stay at home mom. I left a job that I adored, a community of students and adult peers that I enjoyed the company and conversation of and became a full-time 24/7 mommy who wasn’t spending her entire paycheck on daycare. I had purpose at my job. I knew what to do. I had the answers. I had the tickler file that was detailed and up to date with what my comings and goings needed to be. When I said good-bye to that life, I lost the footing. I didn’t have the answers. I lacked the predictable schedule. And, the only constant I could rely on was that things were always shifting. Now it’s almost two years post this big change and I’m starting to feel like I can actually say “I’ve got this”. I’ve figured out how to make it work – to juggle the life I’m living right now.
My first idea was to make a visual reminder that I could see, read, repeat and follow every day. It’s about making the time. When I worked – I had my “time”. I had eight hours each day to do what I needed to do. I had my one hour lunch break to devote to myself and exercising. With two children vying for my attention, my time isn’t carved out so easily. My daily reminder is about making the time.
Everyday I will make the time for:
- Loving my husband
And, today I am adding a new one: Everyday I will make time for writing.
So, that’s how I got here. Where do I go from here? I don’t know. What do I write? I’m not sure. But, the words are back, I’m here and I hope you’ll stick around to see what’s been happening and what’s ahead.
*more on the “gratefulness” at a later date