lovin’

Little Camden has been part of lives for almost two and a half months now and I gotta say – I’m lovin’ this life.  The night feedings are less intense and fewer and farther between.  Camden has found her “voice” and spends time making the adorable baby gurgles and sounds.  Beckett is adjusting wonderfully and hasn’t lost her excitement, er obsession, with “her new baby sister, Camden Rose”.  And, Jacob and I are getting back into the marriage groove with a date night here and there and some adult alone time to talk after kids are in bed and before we catch up on our zzzz’s.

Beckett started preschool in October right after I left work on maternity leave.  This was after our piece-mealed childcare that resulted from our daycare debacle and the terrible upheaval we’d been thrown into.  The preschool is PERFECT.  It’s a Montessori school (if you don’t know about Montessori – you need to check out this link because it’s an amazing teaching and learning method for children).  Beckett is doing nothing short of thriving.  She goes three days a week for three hours a day.  It’s just enough time for a break where Camden and I can run errands and a chance for Beckett to socialize and learn with peers.  We still have one day during the week at home and our three day weekend with Jacob after his four-ten hour days.

I cannot say it enough – Beckett is doing AMAZING.  This is a place filled with people and educators who “get” her.  We are all on “Team Beckett” and even the negative hiccups we’ve had have turned things around for the positive.  My heart swells seeing the excitement and true contentment that Beckett gets from school and I am so thankful we made the choice to start her here.

But, then there’s the but.

But…

I am scheduled to go back to work full-time the beginning of February.   It means no more Montessori.  No more days off with my girls.  It means a piddily, think two figures, paycheck after paying for two children in childcare.   It means getting back to a job that I love and I mean really love.  It means double medical benefits.  Like most big decisions in life there are pros and there are cons.

Most of you know that I work at a local high school as an accountant.  I am the official number cruncher and money taker.  It’s a full-time job and there is no possibility of part-time (I already fought hard for this after Beckett was born).  I have been there for almost seven years now and truly love it.  Why you might ask?  Well, let me tell you.  And, by telling you – I’m reminding myself of why I do what I do.  The living proof of why I want to stay home is sleeping on my chest and napping in her big girl bed, so I need to find the pros that attempt to outweigh the con of leaving these two.

Teenagers are wonderful.  And, no – I don’t mean that sarcastically.  They are funny, polite, helpful, eager and just a joy to be around.  They are whipsmart and a sweet combination of innocent and mature at the same time.  They give me hope that our future is in good hands.

Work is my adult time.  It’s my time to have conversations that aren’t about Disney princesses or Sesame Street.  It’s my time to be surrounded by the occasional brief moment of silence that’s free from any crying, whining or tantrums. 

The school and my community at work is a chance to feel like I’m part of something greater than the four walls of my home, storytime at the library or the stroller club of moms hanging out at the park. 

I love the people I work with.  I work at the same high school I graduated from almost fourteen (!!) years ago and I have gotten to know my former teachers as peers.  These are good, caring people who love what they do, fight for the rights of our children and are committed to raising a generation of educated citizens.  They are my friends and people with a vested interest in my happiness and well-being. 

I am good at my job.  I am skilled, qualified and excel at it.  It’s an ego-booster and it gives me the chance to start my day with confidence and end it with a pat on the back.  This type of positive reinforcement is rare when it comes to childrearing.

Oh, I can swing both ways when it comes to this returning to work thing and the importance of family.  My list for staying home and being a full-time mom is far longer than the one I’ve compiled for why I love my job.  Work really is a wonderful place to spend my time and contrary to most people’s assumptions, teenagers are just great to be around.  Whatever comes the beginning of February, I’ll keep you posted here.  But, for now, I am gonna snuggle with my girls, run my errands and enjoy the profound happiness we are feeling with these two wonderful blessings.

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4 Responses to lovin’

  1. ilibrarianblog says:

    Kate, you articulate so beautifully the tug from a career and from the “job” of mothering. There’s just no choosing between the two as both fill different personal needs and purposes — and also serve larger purposes in the family, the community, and the world. To be a balanced mother means living in the larger world. It can take a lifetime to learn this as “empty nesters” will attest. You have learned this already and can even put this into words. So beautiful, so amazing. It’s all possible, too, but things worth doing aren’t easy, of course! 🙂

    • Kate says:

      It’s an unbelievably hard decision/choice. I hope that I find clarity and can be both the best mother to these girls and do right by myself, too. You are always the bestest support.

  2. Ginger says:

    Lady, you know I know how you feel. It’s so tough to balance everything in life, especially with this mom thing.

    But you’ll do what’s best for you and your girls. For your family and yourself.

    • Kate says:

      You and I are definitely in the same boat as far as how this feels. These are the things that people never tell you will be so hard when it comes to children and real life. I hope I can find that perfect medium where I am the best mother I can be to the girls, the healthiest Momma and Kate possible and best partner and wife to Jacob.

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