Waving not drowning

You see me?  I’m the girlie more-than-half submerged in life who is treading water like a windmill, but barely keeping my head up.  I don’t know what’s happening, but I am having trouble finding that karmic crossroad that intersects family time, work, personal time and all the other day-to-day things.

Warning: if you are looking for a post with an answer or a magic conclusion – skip this one.  This is more of a venting, head-scratching post with a tinge of whininess and self-deprecating pity.

My mind is a whirling dervish and there aren’t enough hours to sort it all out.  I am dropping the ball in small ways – only ones I’d notice and commiserate on my husband’s shoulder about.  But, to a perfectionist, the nuances and bumps are frustrating.

Is it the holidays? I don’t think so.  Sure it’s December and there is the general hub-bub of the holidays, but our calendar has been quite empty this month.  And, my list of “gifts to knit or make” is manageable and remarkably short.

Is it the blog/project/local-eco thingee? Not so much.  We are in our groove and have got most of this stuff figured out.  There are bits and pieces here and there and more than a blog or two to write, but it’s not burning-the-midnight-oil kind of time consuming.  But, I am thinking about what this project has meant over the last twelve months, where we are going and how to wrap up 2010…

I can’t find my time, Beckett time or Jacob time in a twenty-four day.  The work day tallies up almost nine-and-a-half hours after taking into account commutes and daycare drop-offs and pick-ups.  And, it starts early.  The B and I are out of the house by 6:55 (it seems SO much earlier than 7:00!) and by the time we get home is after 4:30.  Now, add in a load of laundry here or there and a floor that needs vacuuming because the dog brought in half the backyard on his paws and a checkbook to balance and a and a and a.  But, don’t forget the dinner.  That nightly sustenance requirement.  It’s a daily stress for me.   We’ve got the weekly menu that is created on the weekend, but it’s the execution of said menu that falters…

So, here’s how you can help… (if you wanted to help that is)

How do we get a fulfilling, homemade, delicious meal on the table in under 45 minutes every night?  What’s your trick? And, take into account that I have a child who has no interest in television (a.k.a. an activity that would keep out of the kitchen for some respite of time) and would rather cook than play with a single toy for any extended period of time.

I am missing me.  I am missing those 90+ minutes I used to spend at the gym every evening after work before B was born.  And, I miss my one-on-one time with the oven and mixer as I baked up another scrumptious treat.  Perhaps it’s a good thing that I don’t have time for baking, when I am not exercising…

And, then I am thinking about work.  My passion is writing.  I love writing and I would love, love, love to be paid for this hobby.  I miss Beckett during my days with a guttural-aching pain.  Don’t get me wrong – I love getting a break from her, but 50 hours per week away is too much.

I guess I am feeling like most working moms.  This life, this mix, this time is hard.  With each sigh of frustration, extra pound or gray hair that appears, I am more driven to make the most of this life.  With every freelancing cold-call I am reaching farther to my dream.  With every bizarre recipe that promises to be “delicious and quick” I am working towards solidifying that weekly menu of one sustaining evening meal after another.

If you have words of encouragement or ideas or stories or jokes or whatever – send ‘em my way!  And, if you know of a parent making it all work – send me his/her name, phone number, address and email (just kidding!) – or just their blog name.  And, if, oh if, you’ve got any tips or contacts with how to get this writing thing started, lemme know.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

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7 Responses to Waving not drowning

  1. Jenny says:

    I’m here, reading and rooting you on! You inspire me! Hang in there, there will be ups and there will be downs and at least you can say you are giving it the old college try and then some. That is more than many, many people can say. 🙂

  2. Ginger says:

    Oh man, you know I’m right there with you. I wish there was some secret trick I could tell you (or myself) to make it easier. I just..it’s tough. For me, it’s just keep chugging, keep chugging, and try and make life as easy as possible where possible–is it more important to have a little down time or to have a spotless bathroom? Time to bake or time to run every single errand? Where can you cut corners, not to the detriment of your family or household, but to the betterment of it (and YOU)?

    As for dinners, I’m extremely lucky that my husband cooks for us most nights, but even still we mostly do “easy” dinners–here are some of our favorites: roasted chicken legs (they take a little longer, but there’s not a lot of prep/watching you have to do), chili (can also be made on the weekend and stored), pizza (we buy pizza dough from Trader Joe’s, and then top w/yummy veggies. Total time about 20 minutes), anything that can cook in the crockpot/dutch oven all day: chicken for tacos, beans, soups, stews. Then there’s always the weekend warrior method: cook a bunch of stuff on the weekends, like chicken, that you can use in dinners throughout the week, like chicken caeser salad, or tacos, or whathave you.

  3. Victoria Lester says:

    I enjoy your style of writing. Your life reminds me of mine when I was working in the business world. I was caught in a routine of laundry, picking up stuff when I came home, cleaning, taking the kids to their functions, bringing home work from my job and I never figured out how I brought it all together. Plus cooking for the family was a chore and cleaning up. I see why many turn to fast food sometimes. It’s a daunting task when working full time and overtime, trying to make a decent meal. Hang in there things have a way of working themselves out. I count my blessing for everything I have when life throws obstacles my direction. I think, gosh – I’m healthy (maybe not wealthy, but healthy) and have a roof over my head and food on the table. Oh, and I’m a caregiver so my life has come to a standstill as far as working in the business field and the very last phrase your wrote was something my mom would ALWAYS say, so it caught my eye today. Odd that you had wrote it – maybe it was a code she sent me secretly through you. 😉 You brought some happiness into my world today. Thank you!!!

  4. sacredbee says:

    Thank you for the kind words. The prayer at the end sometimes becomes a mantra for me – just repeat and repeat… 🙂 Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  5. Pingback: In conclusion | The Sacred Bee's Blog

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